Thursday 27 January 2011

Button-pushing, Strongholds and Love


Ever had a time when some of your biggest fears seem to be prodded almost daily? Ever been confronted with an aspect of your character that you didn't like, swear to change it then find that daily, you fall down in that particular area?

If you're human then, at some point in your life, you will have experienced one or both of these cirumstances.
Why do these things happen, especially if you're trying so hard to overcome that fear, making every effort to knock that bad attitude on the head? It can wear a body down and, if you're not careful, you can find yourself just saying "oh well, it's me. I can't change. It's just too hard. You can even feel like stamping your feet and saying "it's not fair!". Go on, be honest now.

 One of my great fears is rejection. I feel sick when I think people don't like me and, as I've touched on in previous posts, I'm a bit of a people-pleaser. Common sense tells me this is from my own insecurities but knowing that doesn't actually change anything. In the last seven days, I've come up against real and perceived rejection. It's hurt and angered me.

These experiences have caused me to now confront something unpleasant in my character.It's the old "tit for tat" attitude. If you hurt me by rejecting me then I'm going to behave this way (withdraw from you emotionally and sometimes physically or go on the attack and either be upfront rude or mutter under my breath or to others). I agree, it's pretty infantile behaviour really and not how a supposedly mature Christian should act. I should add here that "mature" is said tongue-in-cheek. I may have been a Christian for 30+ years but I act as though I have all the understanding of a newborn (I actually think most newborns are ahead of me really).

I've been pondering this, inbetween my mood swings of sadness at the rejection then anger at the "perpetrators", and have had some thoughts in the following order :
  1. Early in the week and even up to this morning - It's the devil's fault. He knows I want to press on in God this year. He knows I want to see radical change in my life so he's chosen one of my key areas and decided to start punching that button, all the while laughing at my lack of faith whilst I boo-hoo to myself about being rejected. He must be chuckling away as I do some of his job for him in ignoring some people, whispering about people (me, who hates gossip, supposedly!). So I've thought about spiritual warfare, how might I fight him, how I need to plead for God to get him off my case so I can continue my walk in peace and harmony.
  2. In the last hour or so (I like to keep things current) - If I've been praying for God to change my heart and draw me closer to Him, won't God want me to face these things - fear of rejection, the angry attitude and selfish behaviour? God spoke to me earlier this year (see my previous post) and told me that this year would be about strongholds and their removal. Well, fear plays a big part in my life and drives quite a bit of what comes out of my mouth, how  I act and also what I don't say and don't do.Fear of rejection is one of the strongest fears I have. Wouldn't God, in His love, want to tear that stronghold down in my life? So who is responsible for these circumstances? I'm not going to say God because I don't think He makes people reject us or make us think we are being rejected even when we aren't. I do, however, believe He will make use of such events in our lives for His own purpose.
So my conclusion is, if you have recently been praying for God to move in your life, to change you and make you more like Jesus, to being you closer to your Father where you can experience more of His love and fall in love with Him yourself, don't be surprised if things get tough suddenly. I think God is answering your prayer because He takes what you say seriously (sadly sometimes what we pray about, we're not actually that serious about).


So, thanks to a good friend, I've been reminded of Romans 8: 38-39. "38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."

If I feel I'm being rejected I need to use what God has so generously given to me, His Word, and pray it over myself, declare it aloud and, most importantly, BELIEVE IT! It's pointless spouting this stuff unless there is belief that it's true and, if that's the case, then pray God will help you to believe it. I will be doing that for myself because it's easy to believe it for others but not for one's self - such an error.

God's love is such that He isn't out to trip us up but that, in the confronting of the attitude, the fear, there would come understanding, repentance if required, forgiveness, healing and release. It can happen.

I write this post as much for myself as for anyone who might read it. I can be very slow-witted when it comes to God, His love for me, the promise of His Word.  So, in putting this in print, I want to reinforce the message that God does answer our prayers for change but, in doing so, He may have to take us out of a comfort zone and make us uncomfortable so He can bring about that change we long for.

Hold on, keep going, persevere.I'm running with you. Let's press on.

Philippians 1:6

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

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