Are you offended? Get over it!

Ok, it wasn't put in quite the way of my title but I've got to grab your attention somehow and I can be shameless in attention-grabbing headlines - look out UK nationals!

So what am I talking about? Well yesterday's post started off a subject, that of being bitter about actions of others that have impacted one's life and coming to a point of letting go, of forgiving and releasing them.

This was with reference to men, be they close relatives or previous relationships that went awry.

God decided He wanted to continue the conversation today. This happened whilst I was on the internet, of all places (probably one of the key places to get offended at something real quick!). As I was going through various blogs, church websites and the like, I began to think about people from church that, for one reason or another, I felt badly towards. Some of these people are no longer alive, some have not remained in my life, some are currently around in a position to influence me or not. But with each face that passed through my mind, I could feel rejection, upset and offence. They had hurt me in some way. As I continued to think on this, I realised that, for some of them, I wasn't even actually sure they had done something to validate my feeling of offence, merely that I suspected they thought such-and-such.

Hmmm. It's one thing to have something you can actually point to and say "they did that" but then taking it to "well they looked at me in a funny way" or "I know what they are thinking, they think I'm ...."!

And it was here that God challenged me. In light of yesterday and where God asked me to forgive, to let go of the marah waters in my heart in exchange for clean water of His Spirit (think I may have forgotten to share that yesterday!), here was another task. See, when God gets onto a topic, we address it then move on. We think we're done but God is into slow cooking. I reckon the slow cooker was His invention. He wants us to simmer on the thoughts He's placed in our minds till we see change, renewal. Sometimes He'll take us off the cooker, move us on to another stage then He'll take us back to that same topic at a later date.

Slightly off subject there, sorry! Anyway, I began to think about these Christians who may or may not have actually done something to upset me, intentionally or unintentionally. It didn't matter either way, God wanted me to release these same people in the way I'd released the men yesterday. I was to forgive for the offence, real or imagined, then repent of bitterness in my heart and then extend God's grace and freedom to those individuals. A couple are/were pastors and I felt to pray for them specifically regarding their ministries and to pray blessing and double portions on their works. Today, no tears but a feeling of doing business with God, of getting down to nitty gritty.

As with all these challenges, I know I will come up against this soon, to see whether I will remain in forgiveness or try to take back all the feelings of hurt again, let bitterness grow and have a foothold once again in my life. I will probably fluff it a few times, sometimes I will actually be able to resist. In both cases, God will be with me and will encourage me because, in His love for me, He wants me free of this.

In the writing of this post, I've just remembered yet another church authority figure whom I really need to forgive so even now, God is working.

Think about it, is there a Christian that you need to forgive, whatever the reason, real or imagined? Do you need to forgive, release them from your judgement then pray God's blessing on them?

Think carefully. I believe there is freedom for ourselves to be gained here.



My name is not Marah.

I keep tabs on a church website where I find out what they've been preaching on. I noticed they seemed to be going through the book of Ruth. In fact, in the last month, I have noticed that the book of Ruth has come up again and again from other sources. I was reading an article which talked about the story of Ruth, then today, as I was looking at God TV's website, I noticed a "watch now" conference by Nancy Goudie, a great woman and one who's conferences for women I've attended in the past.
Guess what she was speaking on? Yup, Ruth.

After a while, you have to say "Lord, is this coincidence or are You trying to get my attention?"

Well, no question about it, today God most certainly wanted to speak to me through the book of Ruth and the topic? Well, He wanted to speak about bitterness and how it can maim us if we let it.

I decided to listen to the first part of the series on Ruth from the church website. The passage was Ruth chapter 1 v1-18.
Having read it, along with the preacher, he then spoke about how some women have been at the mercy of poor decisions made by men. As with Naomi, who's husband decided to take them into Moab.

Basics of this tale is that Elimelech ( means "God is my king") decided to move the family to Moab because of a lack of food. However, God had previously said that the Jews were to have nothing to do with the Moabites so why on earth would He tell Elimelech to move there? That's the point, God didn't. What did God have against the Moabites? Well, that nation of people were a result of an incestuous relationship between Lot and his oldest daughter and the sin was never expunged. The Moabites remained at war with the Jewish nation for most of the Old Testament.

So, back to the book, the husband takes a decision without seeking God and the result is that Naomi is finally left in a strange land, no husband, no sons and no means of support. I thought about how I would feel if I was Naomi and let me tell you, I would have been be deeply, deeply unhappy! I think I would have been pretty bitter, bitter with my now dead husband, bitter with my now dead sons who failed to move back to Judah but, instead married Moabite women and continued to dwell in Moab. I would have felt pretty aggrieved at God too, if I'm honest. After all, wasn't my husband, Elimelech, meant to be God's man, a faithful follower and the protector of my family? Think about it now.

Naomi decides, having heard that God is blessing Judah with food and crops again, its time to go back to her land. It's a risk because she still has no husband and no sons to take care of her so she is alone, an unenviable position for a woman. She fully expects her daughters-in-law to stay with their people, the Moabites, and remarry.
Initially that's not the case but Naomi tells them not to be daft and, amidst tears, Orpah leaves. Ruth, however, pleads with Naomi not to send her away but pledges to go anywhere with Ruth and adopt her Jewish roots and her God as her own. Orpah, rightly or wrongly, has turned back to the old ways of her people. Ruth elects to unite herself to an unknown future with Naomi, her mother-in-law.

It'd be very easy at this point to make an example of Orpah and say how awful she was for doing that but, faced with the same situation, would you go back to what you know, to what is safe, or would you decide to gamble it all on a future in an unknown land with an unknown God worshipped by a people  your own relatives have been at war with for ages? Think carefully now before you answer.

So what am I learning from this? It's pretty desperate for Naomi, she lost everything important to her in Moab. Things could have stayed right there, a bad place for Naomi. She could have remained bitter, she could have remained in Moab.
However, she takes a step out of it. She hears how things are in Judah, there are crops again, the favour of the Lord is there. She makes the decision not to stay where she is but to go back to Judah, to go back to where God is blessing His people. But God isn't waiting in Judah for Naomi, I believe He was right there, waiting for her to make the decision to come home and, when she does, God moves Ruth's heart in such a way that Naomi will not have to travel alone but is given a companion for the trip and for life (Ruth means friend"). God, the ever eager Father, leaps in straight away with a gift of companionship for Naomi.He is also laying the path on which His Son will arrive on earth later to free us all.

The preacher spoke eloquently on this passage and ended it with prayer for women who had been either hurt or affected by a man's poor decision or choice. He urged the ladies to forgive. It's at this point I began to cry because I realised that I have been "marah", Hebrew for bitter. I have experienced great hurt at the decisions of more than one man and have held bitterness in my heart for a long time. It's possible to love these people but to still harbour anger against them. I also realised that I still hold God responsible for those bad decisions that those men have made which affected me.

But I had a choice, like Naomi. I decided to think about where God is now. God is where He has always been, right beside me and ready to show me love, healing, forgiveness. What's more, He won't just remove the bad stuff like the bitterness but He also fills me with His grace and His joy. Who would think of feeling joy when all you've felt is pain and desolation when considering those decisions and the results? To suggest it sounds like a dismissal of the pain felt but that's not the case. Like Naomi, we all have to make a choice - will we stay where we are, where there is bitterness, lack of forgiveness, hurt and anger or will we turn back to God, extend forgiveness to those who hurt us, give up our rags of bitterness and anger and instead look to God for that friendship, that relationship that will bring us joy, even in the midst of troubles, where God will meet our needs as He sees them?

So I prayed where I was, hands raised and tears streaming down my face, sobs wracking my body as I thought of the things that I am bitter about, the decisions that have caused me pain and left me with scars and I turned it all over to God. I know there will be times I will be tempted to take them back, a fit of pique or anger, a fresh wound maybe. The reason I am writing this post is so that I can be accountable to my readers (if there are any actually) and also to my own written testimony. I have forgiven people, realising there may be more brought to mind before the day is ended, and released them to a place where God can speak to them, to pour out His mercy where I feel it's necessary, so that I also can be in a place where God can speak to me, where my bitterness will  no longer make me deaf to God's voice.

I won't say I'm bouncing up and down with joy, inane grin on my face and singing "Jesus wants me for a sunbeam". It would be great if I was but I choose to believe that God is giving me that joy and freedom and that my emotions will, at some point, come into line with the truth of what God has done and is continuing to do in my heart since I prayed those prayers.

God loves me. I am His child. He is healing me, making me whole. He has amazing plans for my life and will share those plans with me as I spend time with Him, deepening that relationship with Him and His Son, Jesus Christ. God's plan doesn't include being dominated by fear, guilt, anger, unforgiveness because of the actions of another. I am free. This is about freedom to go back to God and enjoy communion with him again.


My name is no longer Marah.