So God presented me with another challenge recently. I have been praying about certain family members, certain situations.
For one family member, I have had a problem with this person for about a year now due to a letter sent which criticised me and I found very hurtful. I am not good at letting things go or forgiving. I tend to hold on to the hurt or, having forgiven, then go ahead and take up the resentment again. Not exactly a Christian attitude. Increasingly I have felt antagonistic towards this person but felt the challenge to pray for this person. So I have done but it's been through gritted teeth, if I'm honest.
Another family member I have been praying for their salvation, their freedom from an addiction (which they don't recognise as an addiction) and my relationship with them. In particular this person has such an affect on my life, more than they could possibly realise.
Well this second person and I have been getting on fabulously of late and I have been so chuffed. Then, yesterday, things went pear-shaped. Things were said and this morning, I found myself getting angry, annoyed and taking my typical route of re-hashing in my mind an array of actions or words which have hurt me. I could feel myself getting very worked up, very "it's not fair" and poking out my bottom lip like a 4yr old!
Only the night before I had been praying for this person and asking God to bless them, I prayed forgiveness over them and asked God to give me love and patience towards them. Now here I was and already doing my usual getting worked up about them and forgetting my prayers.
It was right at this point I felt God say to me "are you going to keep praying for him and others then just act in the opposite of what you have just asked Me for?" Well, it made me pause then feel rather guilty. It was a very valid point. Would you ask someone to help you with a problem then, having done that, start acting in a way which would then actually make the problem worse rather than better? Of course not! How stupid and pointless would that be!
This is no different. I felt the challenge from God to be that, if I'm going to pray for people about issues which directly impact me then I need to live out my part, take that necessary action to become part of the answer to my prayer and give God room to work.
It's the same with my parents who are now elderly. My mother can be trying sometimes as, in her aging, her memory and also her wisdom in saying certain things falters. Some things can be hurtful but, as I pray, I have to remember not to get wound up by actions or words and to remember to love, honour and obey them both.
So the lesson and challenge for me at this time is if I want God to work in a person's life and they have a relationship with me I must remember to show God's love to them time and again whether through forgiveness, patience, not taking offence at everything or getting annoyed with them for every small infraction. I must be gracious to them because God has shown me grace and boy how I need his grace today and every day.
Help me in this God, I certainly can't do this in my own strength as I prove on a daily basis!
Of course my first nosey thought is, who wrote the letter criticising you. Very good post and timely as this weekend I've found myself having to choose to cast off thoughts about family members and part of me wanting to go on a resentful fest whilst knowing that it's not the thing to do and I'm being 'tempted' to not forgive and hold on - out of left field as not knew happenings but old thoughts, dealt with, but being regurgitated by self. Thanks for the reminder and the encouragement.
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