Giving thanks in ALL circumstances



A good friend of mine, Maturing, wrote a post a short while ago about giving thanks in all circumstances and suggested that maybe we could all post on a regular occassion about things we were thankful for to ensure we keep our eyes on Jesus with gratitude in our hearts. As this dear one stated in her blog, "How easy it is to overlook the marvellous and the precious in the midst of what is happening around us."

She's absolutely right. Similarly, Sarah Markley has been hosting a 100 joys blog to get people to name their joys, even in the midst of seeming non-joy because it's easy to forget about joy when you're in the middle of stress or whatevers in daily life. I heartily recommend both ladies' blogs as worthwhile reading material. Both present challenging, real nitty gritty but ultimately encouraging posts which will build you up in your faith.

So, back to the matter in hand, what am I grateful for this evening?

• For the lovely coal fire burning in the grate beside my sofa, keeping me warm. I know there are people out there in the cold with no home, no shelter and trying desperately to keep warm. I'm thankful I have a home, somewhere safe and warm.
• I'm grateful for my family, that I am not alone in this world but have a sibling, both parents alive and well, a nephew and extended family too. I am grateful for them, even though we all test each other's patience from time to time.
• I am grateful and thankful for good friends, in particular this evening I think of my good friend, Maturing, who has been such a rock to me in times past and present. She has been an encourager, a shoulder to cry on and a person to laugh and be silly with. I am so thankful that God placed her in my life all those years ago.
• I'm thankful for the internet. Whilst there are alot of things on it that are not God-honouring or in keeping with Philippians 4:8 , there is also plenty on the internet that is encouraging, funny, uplifting. I also am able to keep in contact with loved ones and dear friends.
• I'm grateful for my husband who works so hard to keep the lovely home we live in, ensure we have food to eat, clothes to wear, that we lack for nothing. He carries the burden of our wellbeing and all the stress of work to boot so I praise God for this man. I love him so much.
• I'm thankful for sleep. Sleep is a gift, it not only refreshes us, gives our bodies a chance to heal, to recuperate but also acts as a way of drawing a line under a day. Sometimes we need those lines, the ability to stop and then re-start.
• I am thankful for books. I love to read as a way of winding down, a way to get knowledge and for sheer enjoyment.
• I am thankful that God never gives up on us, that we can show our worst side possible, act in ways that are the complete opposite of what He wants for us but, when we cry help and beg forgiveness, He is there and ready to forgive, to heal and show us grace and mercy. I am particularly thankful for that today.

So these are my items today that I am grateful to God for.
Thank you Lord for blessing me so.

"It's good to talk!"



If you are from the UK, you will recognize this as being the strap line for BT (British Telecoms) and Bob Hoskins, an famous actor, used to speak this line at the end of the televised advert.

So why am I blogging about this?

It started a few weeks back. A loved one and I just seemed to be guessing what was going on in the other's life. Because we didn't want to upset the other, we stopped talking. No, I don't mean cease all communication. I mean we stopped talking about the things that matter to us. We would talk about the news, the weather, the shopping but not about what was going on inside of us. In particular, I was worrying about a number of issues including Christmas, whether I could invite my family for Christmas Day lunch, financial worries and bills to be paid, a sweet young family member's recent trauma and, finally, relationship issues, all of which were tormenting me. I grew very distant and this made my loved one very concerned. When asked what was wrong, I would just deny anything was wrong then carry on moping around the house or the office.

So not only was I increasing the worry of this family member but I was also isolating myself and increasing my stress levels too. I was feeling increasingly swamped by these worries. Did I pray about them?
Nope, God got shut out too. When I close down, I shut everyone out, close friends, God, family, work colleagues.

Who exactly was being helped by this, by my shutting down? No-one!
No-one was benefitting from my largesse to "not burden people with my problems". Instead it seemed far better to burden them with my silence, my hangdog expression and the cloud that grew bigger over my head (yes, this is sarcasm).

Finally, after much prodding and poking and, nearly 3 weeks later, I opened up. It wasn't done in a relieved way but rather resentfully, as though people had intruded on my personal pity party which, if I'm totally honest, this had now become. I had gone from having genuine worries to allowing this to escalate into a "Oh poor me, the world hates me and it's all so unfair" fest of self-pity.

But, fortunately for me, the one listening to me understood what was going on and let me rumble on then, when I had finished, proceeded to go through my worries, one by one, addressing them with either a solution or atleast putting them into some perspective.

The following day, I felt lighter in my being, I was relieved and could actually smile again. I realised that, had I just talked to my beloved, to a friend, to God, to someone, it would have helped, not necessarily with the actual issues but to atleast talk about it and get it off my chest, so to speak. This is how women tend to process things in their lives, through conversation.

Now with men, it seems slightly different. They don't necessarily want to talk through problems, they prefer to ponder it themselves, coming up with a solution in time (I realise this could be a crass generalization but I'm going by all the chaps I've either spent time with (father, husband, stepson, work colleagues) or heard about from friends (their husbands, fathers etc etc).

But even when this is the case, when my husband worries about things, he generally stops communicating with me. This puts a strain on the relationship and I can start imagining things that aren't there because we aren't talking. When we have finally touched on what is going on with him, the air is cleared and, whilst the problem may still exist, the relationship itself is restored because there is finally understanding as to what is going on and what support can be given.

In a worst case scenario, problems can spiral out of hand when communication ceases between people, be they husbands and wives, employee and employer, friends, relatives.
Communication is essential.

It's the same with God. I think we get hung up on prayer sometimes because we think of it as "PRAYER", this lofty subject in capital letters which is breathed in hushed reverant tones and that only special people can really master. To employ a quaint English exclamation, poppycock!

Prayer is talking to God. In the same was that our conversations vary with different people and in different circumstances, there are times when we will be reverant in our conversations with God as we address His Majesty, as King and Master of the universe. But then other times we can talk stutteringly, in between sobs, as we pour out our sorrows to Daddy in Heaven. Yet other times we will speak to Him with great excitement, loudly even boisterously as we either praise Him or thank Him for Himself, for answered prayer or in praying for people or events. But, like I did recently, we can forget that God wants relationship with us and that includes all the crappy parts of our lives so stopping talking to Him because we don't want to bother Him is a bit pathetic, to be honest. He is the one Person who will never judge us, will never hold any of what we say against us and will give us His appropriate response - correction, comfort, knowledge, wisdom, boldness, encouragement, sometimes even silence when it's what we need.

This is what a relationship is. It's the hard times as well as the good times. A truly great relationship is found when you can talk about all the aspects of your life and know that the person you are sharing this with will keep it private when the topic requires it, will honour the trust you are placing in them and will try to help when they can.

I have realised that I need to talk to God more. I get very caught up in other things, some of which are equally important but can stop me from doing that one thing that I need to do above all others, communicate daily with my Father, share with Him all the aspects of my life, my sins, my worries, my happiness, everything. I want to grow in my relationship with God, I want to talk to Him more and open up to Him so He can do more in my life, share His thoughts with me and change me from the inside out. This will happen, can't help but happen, if I communicate with, talk to Him daily.

Are you offended? Get over it!

Ok, it wasn't put in quite the way of my title but I've got to grab your attention somehow and I can be shameless in attention-grabbing headlines - look out UK nationals!

So what am I talking about? Well yesterday's post started off a subject, that of being bitter about actions of others that have impacted one's life and coming to a point of letting go, of forgiving and releasing them.

This was with reference to men, be they close relatives or previous relationships that went awry.

God decided He wanted to continue the conversation today. This happened whilst I was on the internet, of all places (probably one of the key places to get offended at something real quick!). As I was going through various blogs, church websites and the like, I began to think about people from church that, for one reason or another, I felt badly towards. Some of these people are no longer alive, some have not remained in my life, some are currently around in a position to influence me or not. But with each face that passed through my mind, I could feel rejection, upset and offence. They had hurt me in some way. As I continued to think on this, I realised that, for some of them, I wasn't even actually sure they had done something to validate my feeling of offence, merely that I suspected they thought such-and-such.

Hmmm. It's one thing to have something you can actually point to and say "they did that" but then taking it to "well they looked at me in a funny way" or "I know what they are thinking, they think I'm ...."!

And it was here that God challenged me. In light of yesterday and where God asked me to forgive, to let go of the marah waters in my heart in exchange for clean water of His Spirit (think I may have forgotten to share that yesterday!), here was another task. See, when God gets onto a topic, we address it then move on. We think we're done but God is into slow cooking. I reckon the slow cooker was His invention. He wants us to simmer on the thoughts He's placed in our minds till we see change, renewal. Sometimes He'll take us off the cooker, move us on to another stage then He'll take us back to that same topic at a later date.

Slightly off subject there, sorry! Anyway, I began to think about these Christians who may or may not have actually done something to upset me, intentionally or unintentionally. It didn't matter either way, God wanted me to release these same people in the way I'd released the men yesterday. I was to forgive for the offence, real or imagined, then repent of bitterness in my heart and then extend God's grace and freedom to those individuals. A couple are/were pastors and I felt to pray for them specifically regarding their ministries and to pray blessing and double portions on their works. Today, no tears but a feeling of doing business with God, of getting down to nitty gritty.

As with all these challenges, I know I will come up against this soon, to see whether I will remain in forgiveness or try to take back all the feelings of hurt again, let bitterness grow and have a foothold once again in my life. I will probably fluff it a few times, sometimes I will actually be able to resist. In both cases, God will be with me and will encourage me because, in His love for me, He wants me free of this.

In the writing of this post, I've just remembered yet another church authority figure whom I really need to forgive so even now, God is working.

Think about it, is there a Christian that you need to forgive, whatever the reason, real or imagined? Do you need to forgive, release them from your judgement then pray God's blessing on them?

Think carefully. I believe there is freedom for ourselves to be gained here.



My name is not Marah.

I keep tabs on a church website where I find out what they've been preaching on. I noticed they seemed to be going through the book of Ruth. In fact, in the last month, I have noticed that the book of Ruth has come up again and again from other sources. I was reading an article which talked about the story of Ruth, then today, as I was looking at God TV's website, I noticed a "watch now" conference by Nancy Goudie, a great woman and one who's conferences for women I've attended in the past.
Guess what she was speaking on? Yup, Ruth.

After a while, you have to say "Lord, is this coincidence or are You trying to get my attention?"

Well, no question about it, today God most certainly wanted to speak to me through the book of Ruth and the topic? Well, He wanted to speak about bitterness and how it can maim us if we let it.

I decided to listen to the first part of the series on Ruth from the church website. The passage was Ruth chapter 1 v1-18.
Having read it, along with the preacher, he then spoke about how some women have been at the mercy of poor decisions made by men. As with Naomi, who's husband decided to take them into Moab.

Basics of this tale is that Elimelech ( means "God is my king") decided to move the family to Moab because of a lack of food. However, God had previously said that the Jews were to have nothing to do with the Moabites so why on earth would He tell Elimelech to move there? That's the point, God didn't. What did God have against the Moabites? Well, that nation of people were a result of an incestuous relationship between Lot and his oldest daughter and the sin was never expunged. The Moabites remained at war with the Jewish nation for most of the Old Testament.

So, back to the book, the husband takes a decision without seeking God and the result is that Naomi is finally left in a strange land, no husband, no sons and no means of support. I thought about how I would feel if I was Naomi and let me tell you, I would have been be deeply, deeply unhappy! I think I would have been pretty bitter, bitter with my now dead husband, bitter with my now dead sons who failed to move back to Judah but, instead married Moabite women and continued to dwell in Moab. I would have felt pretty aggrieved at God too, if I'm honest. After all, wasn't my husband, Elimelech, meant to be God's man, a faithful follower and the protector of my family? Think about it now.

Naomi decides, having heard that God is blessing Judah with food and crops again, its time to go back to her land. It's a risk because she still has no husband and no sons to take care of her so she is alone, an unenviable position for a woman. She fully expects her daughters-in-law to stay with their people, the Moabites, and remarry.
Initially that's not the case but Naomi tells them not to be daft and, amidst tears, Orpah leaves. Ruth, however, pleads with Naomi not to send her away but pledges to go anywhere with Ruth and adopt her Jewish roots and her God as her own. Orpah, rightly or wrongly, has turned back to the old ways of her people. Ruth elects to unite herself to an unknown future with Naomi, her mother-in-law.

It'd be very easy at this point to make an example of Orpah and say how awful she was for doing that but, faced with the same situation, would you go back to what you know, to what is safe, or would you decide to gamble it all on a future in an unknown land with an unknown God worshipped by a people  your own relatives have been at war with for ages? Think carefully now before you answer.

So what am I learning from this? It's pretty desperate for Naomi, she lost everything important to her in Moab. Things could have stayed right there, a bad place for Naomi. She could have remained bitter, she could have remained in Moab.
However, she takes a step out of it. She hears how things are in Judah, there are crops again, the favour of the Lord is there. She makes the decision not to stay where she is but to go back to Judah, to go back to where God is blessing His people. But God isn't waiting in Judah for Naomi, I believe He was right there, waiting for her to make the decision to come home and, when she does, God moves Ruth's heart in such a way that Naomi will not have to travel alone but is given a companion for the trip and for life (Ruth means friend"). God, the ever eager Father, leaps in straight away with a gift of companionship for Naomi.He is also laying the path on which His Son will arrive on earth later to free us all.

The preacher spoke eloquently on this passage and ended it with prayer for women who had been either hurt or affected by a man's poor decision or choice. He urged the ladies to forgive. It's at this point I began to cry because I realised that I have been "marah", Hebrew for bitter. I have experienced great hurt at the decisions of more than one man and have held bitterness in my heart for a long time. It's possible to love these people but to still harbour anger against them. I also realised that I still hold God responsible for those bad decisions that those men have made which affected me.

But I had a choice, like Naomi. I decided to think about where God is now. God is where He has always been, right beside me and ready to show me love, healing, forgiveness. What's more, He won't just remove the bad stuff like the bitterness but He also fills me with His grace and His joy. Who would think of feeling joy when all you've felt is pain and desolation when considering those decisions and the results? To suggest it sounds like a dismissal of the pain felt but that's not the case. Like Naomi, we all have to make a choice - will we stay where we are, where there is bitterness, lack of forgiveness, hurt and anger or will we turn back to God, extend forgiveness to those who hurt us, give up our rags of bitterness and anger and instead look to God for that friendship, that relationship that will bring us joy, even in the midst of troubles, where God will meet our needs as He sees them?

So I prayed where I was, hands raised and tears streaming down my face, sobs wracking my body as I thought of the things that I am bitter about, the decisions that have caused me pain and left me with scars and I turned it all over to God. I know there will be times I will be tempted to take them back, a fit of pique or anger, a fresh wound maybe. The reason I am writing this post is so that I can be accountable to my readers (if there are any actually) and also to my own written testimony. I have forgiven people, realising there may be more brought to mind before the day is ended, and released them to a place where God can speak to them, to pour out His mercy where I feel it's necessary, so that I also can be in a place where God can speak to me, where my bitterness will  no longer make me deaf to God's voice.

I won't say I'm bouncing up and down with joy, inane grin on my face and singing "Jesus wants me for a sunbeam". It would be great if I was but I choose to believe that God is giving me that joy and freedom and that my emotions will, at some point, come into line with the truth of what God has done and is continuing to do in my heart since I prayed those prayers.

God loves me. I am His child. He is healing me, making me whole. He has amazing plans for my life and will share those plans with me as I spend time with Him, deepening that relationship with Him and His Son, Jesus Christ. God's plan doesn't include being dominated by fear, guilt, anger, unforgiveness because of the actions of another. I am free. This is about freedom to go back to God and enjoy communion with him again.


My name is no longer Marah.

When the chips are down, pray!

Where did anyone get the daft impression that, the minute you decide to believe that Jesus is the Son of God and you hand over the reins of control to Him, your life is going to be peachy keen without a worry in the world?

Jesus never promised that life would be easy being a believer in Him and the Father Almighty. In fact, he said the world would hate us for our beliefs. How's that for a marketing angle! Somehow Saatchi and Saatchi would never have used that tagline had they been brought in to promote Christianity as a new religion.

So having set that line of thinking out first, I feel I can now continue with my post.

It's fair to say that the month of November has brought several challenges for me. Firstly a devastating piece of family news which I referred to in my previous blog. On top of that, my husband has been stressed beyond measure with his job which has had a knock-on effect on our marriage. I also managed to damage myself during my keep-fit class which resulted in me being on crutches for a week and no exercise for the last 6 weeks. Yup, it's been pretty shocking.

It's very easy to get caught up in one's own issues but then I had email and twitter exchanges with a dear friend of mine and it turned out she too was suffering from various physical, emotional and relational issues. We compared war stories. Actually that is exactly it  - they are war stories.

Let's not forget, the devil is no admirer of people who have given God free rein in their lives so he is out to get us - big time! There's a couple of well known (and well worn) verses in 1 Peter 5 " 8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. " Now I'm not saying that every single bad thing is directly from the devil. That is crazy. Life is messy - fact! We have consequences of sin, be it selfish choices on a personal, corporate or national level.We live in a broken world so some of the difficulties we experience are just the result of living but other times, you get to realise that some things just aren't a coincidence.

As my friend and I talked, we put two and two together and the figure kept coming up as four. We pieced sequences of events together, looked at breakthroughs we'd been experiencing, noted prayers we'd made and it just fit.

So we agreed to cover each other with prayer, to pray for each other, for our husbands & marriages, for our families.

It was amazing how quickly the atmosphere changed for both of us personally. We both felt a surge of faith. No, our circumstances did not improve immediately and some of those things we discussed are still very tough. But what changed first was our faith in God, we began to encourage one another to believe that our God is for us, not against us. Our prayers became focused and no longer by rote (which, if we are honest, can happen from time to time). We began to get words and pictures for each other, words of encouragement, pictures which either encouraged or gave direction on how to pray more effectively for these events which were troubling us.

We are walking in this season at the moment. I feel so grateful that God loves me so much that, in the midst of many troubles, He would have provided me with such a friendship that I could share my heart, my sorrows and troubles, that my friend could do the same and that we would be able to stand together before Christ and petition Him for help and grace to deal with these issues.

So the point of this post is to say do not lose sight of the value of prayer with others. There is something amazing that happens when two or more people start to agree in prayer and invite God's Spirit to get involved. God loves to hear such prayers. He is a loving Father, He wants so much to be a part of our lives and for us to turn to Him when times are tough.

If you have a friend or relative who believes in God and whom you trust, if life is getting on top of you, don't be shy, let them in then agree to pray about it together. The power of praying together is amazing. Jesus even encouraged it.

Matthew 18:19

"Again, I tell you that if two on earth

agree about anything you ask for,

It will be done for you by My Father

in Heaven".

"Our God Reigns"

This post comes from the title of a popular church chorus which was also a song from the Delirious album "The Mission Bell". Previously, it wasn't one of my favourites of the amazing band who were Delirious before disbanding last November.

So, does He? Think about it, don't just get the "warm fuzzies", as a friend and I like to call it when evangelical Christians get "good" worship!

Does God really reign?

I ask this question because this has been a tough week of revelations, hard questions and hard truths. Yesterday, as a result of one of these revelations, an extended family member said that they had considered going to church. When challenged by a teen member of the family, the same person admitted that they'd like to believe in God, thought they did but, when they looked back on their life, there were events that made them think the age-old question. Can you guess what it is yet?

If there is a God, who is meant to be good, how can He let bad things happen?

Did you guess the question right? Now this family member, more than ever, has reason to ask this question. I won't go into details here but suffice to say that it involves an alleged serious criminal offense against a member of this family, of which I am an extended part, which has shattered us all.

At the same time, my other half has informed me of negotiations which may leave him in unemployment next year. We have been here before, about 4 years ago, and it nearly broke us then. The stress of the two incidents together has put strains on my beloved, in turn on my marriage which is already creaking in a disturbing way and has nearly ended a number of times in the last three years. So I too have been asking the question "Is God really good?".

I have to believe He is. "Why?" you ask. Well let me go off on a slight tangent, I got asked another question. I was sat in my car, driving around, contemplating all the bad shit that's going on in the lives of those that I love and my own. My iPod was switched to random selection when on came Delirious singing that dratted song that I'm not all that keen on. But I couldn't be bothered to move the song on so I listened instead. The words swirled around me and I felt the pain in them but, through it all, Martin Smith insisted, "Our God reigns!".  I think the last verse kinda summed things up for me. The phrase fell like hammer blows on my ears and on my heart and soul.

Let me share the lyrics with you in case you somehow were under a rock for the last 10 years!

40 million babies lost to Gods great orphanage,
It’s a modern day genocide and a modern day disgrace
If this is a human right then why aren’t we free?
The only freedom we have is in a man nailed to a tree.


100 million faces, staring at the sky,
Wondering if this HIV will ever pass us by.
The devil stole the rain and hope trickles down the plug,
But still my Chinese take away could pay for someone’s drugs.


Our God reigns, Our God reigns,
Forever your kingdom reigns.


The west has found a gun and it’s loaded with ‘unsure’
Nip and tuck if you have the bucks in a race to find a cure.
Psalm one hundred and thirty nine is the conscience to our selfish crime,
God didn’t screw up when he made you,
He’s a father who loves to parade you.


Yes he reigns, yes you reign, yes you reign,
For there is only one true God,
But we’ve lost the reins on this world,
Forgive us all, forgive us please,
As we fight for this broken world on our knees

I played the song about 5 times in a row, letting that declaration of God reigning flow over me, tears streaming down my face as I thought about what that precious family member had suffered, thinking about the anxiety that must be in the heart of my significant other. I finally concluded that if I do believe God is God, then He must be good in a way that I don't understand but is still a fact. If He is good then He must reign. I found myself singing along and declaring with the band "Yes, our God reigns. My God reigns!".

Now I know, before you start stoning me, this isn't exactly a logical argument but it was the way I was thinking. I felt either I continue believe that He is good and does reign or I may as well give up believing in Him altogether as He wouldn't be worth believing in. I know there are bible verses that state that God's ways are higher than our etc. I always thought secretly that that was a colossal cop-out. But it's as though I've been confronted once again with the fact of evil and things being unfair and God has asked, "will you still believe in Me, will you still believe I'm good, that I do have control and that I do care, even if the initial evidence seems to point to the contrary? When the chips are down, do you still believe?"

It's a tough one to face. I don't have all the answers. I can't debate my faith that well or give you a great discussion in apologetics. My mind isn't wired that way (and I feel kinda thick that I can't, if I'm honest). You could call this emotionalism and yes, there may be a tinge of it there because there are emotive things happening right now. But similarly, isn't our natural reaction when things are bad to turn away from God, unless it's impending death then suddenly the toughest amongst us suddenly get religion quickly!

 Right now, at this moment, yes, I do believe God reigns, that in order to reign, He must be good and that forever, no matter what has happened to those I love, what may happen to my beloved, what may happen to my marriage, God does indeed reign and is seated on the Throne of Heaven. I am not feeling emotional at this moment, no tears are falling and I do not have that fuzzy feeling nor do I felt hyped up. I am sitting quite calmly in my bedroom, typing out this post.

But I believe that the cherubim and seraphim are worshipping Him right now and crying "Holy, Holy, Holy".
I believe that they were doing this even as evil and awful things took place that have shattered a person's life. Perhaps, one day, I will understand the whole "Why do bad things happen to good people" but I doubt it will be whilst I draw breath.

Tomorrow, although I hope and pray its not the case,  I might think differently. I have to take this one day at a time. Does it comfort me, the fact that God reigns in the midst of evil, tough times and hardship? Yes, strangely it does. Once the tears were wiped away, I felt calm in myself and managed a smile. That is something that has been in short order during the last week. I'm praying that all my family, extended ones too, will also come to that inner calm, will find healing and will know that God is good and that He does reign. How that happens is really up to God but I'll be praying for Him to do so. If you feel you are able, perhaps you would too?

If you're feeling particularly bold, go ahead and ask yourself the question "does God reign, whatever is going on in my life?"

Click on the link for the Delirious video.  

The Approval Junkie

So what's the latest? Well I think I may have started a theme here. My last post touched on me having an issue with people disliking me.

Over the last few days, my thoughts have come back to this, largely because of recent experience. I have found myself not able to meet people's expectations and, being the person I am, I have also found myself second-guessing others' expections. Needless to say, this has been in a negative light.

I have cried a number of times this week, partly upset and partly in anger and frustration. You see I am desperate to have people's approval, for them to confirm that I have worth in their eyes, that I have done well at such and such, that they are pleased with me.

This is especially prevalent in my close personal relationships. I panic that I haven't done enough. If I sense disapproval, whether imagined or real, I can tear myself to pieces mentally trying to figure out what I did wrong and how far I need to go to fix it, make it better, have them love me again. Yes, even in this, I suspect in my heart that they have stopped.

Then, at some point, there is the anger at the person. Why have they decided to withhold themselves from me? Why can't I have their love, acceptance, approval? Why am I having to jump through these hoops like a performing circus animal? Why am I having to hold them up and do everything they want? What about my needs, my wants? How would they like it if I made them go through this kind of feeling?
This particular train of thought ends up going down the childish path of "it's not fair" and a pity party for one with popped ballons and broken kazoos!

Joyce Meyer speaks of people-pleasers in an article on her website and gives an accurate description of them.
"I am talking about a pressure to perform—an unhealthy drive to be accepted and approved by others. It is a desire so strong that it influences and controls the majority of our decisions."
She later adds "There are some individuals who have spent a good part of their lives trying to please other people, and as a result, they are unhappy, bitter, resentful and depressed. How other people think and feel about them has become so important that it is like an addiction affecting every part of who they are."


This is so me!!

But I know I am not the only one who suffers from approval addiction. There are others out there, in varying degrees of panic, who suffer as I do. Do we need a shrink? A counsellor? I wouldn't rule those out for anyone, probably a good idea. But also, if we have faith in God, shouldn't we bring Him into the picture? We are Christians, after all.

Now even here, the addiction can distort the perceived relationship with Father. The addict can feel unworthy and unloved, no matter what biblical passage has been thrown their way to boost their confidence. Imagine you don't speak Greek and someone begins to tell you wonderful things but in Greek. They could be telling you that you've won the Euro Lottery but it won't do you any good unless you understand the language!

If I can be completely honest, I know with my head that God loves me. To quote an old children's song, "the bible tells me so". However, when does it go from being head knowledge to heart knowledge, to an experience of this Love? Then there is the added pressure of not relying on emotions.

Sometimes I find the faith can be a minefield and it seems like I'm trying to make sense of something that is purposefully confusing. I just want to find God. I want to stop needing the approval of others to give me worth and purpose, so that I will stop being upset or very angry with these people when I feel I have let them down.

The addict knows in their heart of hearts that they cannot always change the reaction of the person to them. There has to be acceptance that at some point people will inevitably disappoint people. There also has to be the realisation that one can't read people's minds and that what is perceived to be disappointment in an addict is actually totally unrelated and has nothing to do with them. But this is too rational for the addict. What addition can be called rational?!

So is there a cure for the approval junkie, whatever stage of addiction they happen to be in?

I believe that God can cure anything. However, He will sometimes ask us if we want to be cured. Remember blind Bartemaus in Mark? (Chap 10 v 46-52). I sense that, for my walk, this is what God will ask of me? Am I ready to do whatever He says in order to have that freedom? I know I want it but do I want it badly enough?

I have no idea how this is going to pan out.
I very much hope that I will be able to let God help me, cure me of this addiction that causes me pain, causes me to sin and adds stress to myself and to others around me. I want to be free of it. I want to be a mature Christian, looking out for the needs of others but also seeing myself as God sees me, someone He loves and who, in His eyes, has worth and value, an amazing one-of-a-kind person with a future that is good and full of hope.

I am praying that God will set me free and that, sometime in the not too distant future, I will be able to post on here that I am a recovering addict from approval and people-pleasing. Maybe, in turn, that will free me at last to witness openly and joyfully for God.