I've just had a pretty shocking weekend. One of extremes.
My day off started well enough, with a lie in. But then other events took place and by the time I went to meet a dear friend for supper, I was upset, very angry and hurt. However, this friend, a Christian, and I enjoyed a meal and, after I'd had my vent, we went for a wonderful walk and a drive at twilight. We were listening to worship music and, after a while, found ourselves joining in. We became more and more focussed on worship so that we were just enjoying God's Presence. It was like the atmosphere just changed around us.
The following day started with a Ladies breakfast at my former spiritual home (yes, I currently have no abode but more on that another time). I was sat with people I knew and some new people. It was facinating to hear all different experiences of life from different parts of the world. The speaker, a wonderful lady, was incredibly funny and entertaining as a speaker. But she also shared quite personal moments of anguish. Her points, focusing on God, were all well made and understandable.She spoke as a woman who has truly been through the fire, and continues to in some areas. I felt incredibly uplifted by her positive message and was pleased I had gone.
Then came Saturday night. I won't go into the problems but sufficient to say that my heart was once more shattered and found myself looking at the future with uncertainty and dread. Amazingly, I slept - God is so good to us, what a gift sleep is. The hours from 7pm to 12.30 were pretty much agony. I felt like I was being tortured very slowly.
But I woke early on Sunday. Now, as I've already said, I don't normally attend church but when I got up I kept thinking about it. It was that siren call when one's heart has been trampled on. I went for a run then, once showered and changed, headed out to take photos - I love photography.
Finally I couldn't resist and I got there in time for a cup of tea before the start of the service. I seemed to bump into old home group members that I was close to. I received hugs and "hi"s (this without them being aware of my delicate mood). I confess I did cry briefly and had to excuse myself for the last part of the worship.Initially, all I could think about was the previous night, the uncertain future and how hurt I was. Its hard to worship God when you are focussed on those things. But, standing between two of these wonderful people who were so pleased to see me and had given me such a warm welcome, I realised that I was actually home. So I began to focus on the One who was behind such love and friendliness, God my Father, my compassionate Lord.
From there, I was able to get my mind off myself and my problems and onto God. The worship flowed and they had a time of prophetic sharing. Then finally the word which was challenging yet encouraging at the same time.
I was able to pray with the pastor's wife for my situation and yes, I cried again. But the assurance that I was not in this alone and to have someone pray with tenderness and compassion was so wonderful.
I have been able to focus more on God and begin to ask the important questions, what do I learn from this situation? What are You saying to me about Your Character? What are Your thoughts regarding my future?
I feel more positive at this moment and it is largely because of God.
So, whilst its taken a while to explain, the purpose of the post is firstly to say never underestimate the power of being in fellowship with other Christians when you feel that all is stacked against you. Being surrounded by love and faith can boost your own.
Secondly, whilst it may seem difficult, try to take your eyes briefly off your difficult situation and put them on God. He does care very much. Like me, your problem may not change overnight. You could be facing a long-haul and that's hard to take. If you are anything like me, you will have times when you accept the hard time and just get on with it and other times when everything within you screams out at the injustice of it and angrily shouts at God as to why this thing is happening.
There have been times I have thought about throwing in the towel on my faith in God. The fact is though I have seen too much and know too much to be able to do this with any form of conviction. Nature itself shouts out God's existence. David and Job knew all about questioning God. David, in particular, was no stranger to hurts and asking God about His seeming inaction on his behalf.
Fact is, God never ever said that, by accepting His Son, life would be free of worries. Rather, Jesus actually said life would get harder because if the world hated Him it wouldn't take to us, by association. In addition, we are part of the human race in its fallen state. Whilst we have been saved from God's judgement by accepting the gift of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, we are still subject to all those trials that are common to man.
However, know this, God really, truly does care about you, about every tear you shed and every moment your heart feels like it will explode in grief. Hold on to Him, grip His hand tightly. But if you can't do even that, know this - Hedoes hold on to you.....firmly.
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